In the bustling town of Sitapur, the Verma family was hosting the biggest wedding of the year. Fairy lights sparkled across the narrow lanes, the brass band had already rehearsed Tunak Tunak Tun, and aunties were applying mehendi faster than you could say shaadi.
The bride, Nandini, was everything a mother-in-law could dream of—smart, polite, MBA-pass, and knew how to make perfect round rotis.
The groom, Mayank Verma, on the other hand?
He was having second thoughts.
And loose motions.
Toilet Trips & Trust Issues
It all started at 5:30 AM on the wedding day. Mayank knocked on the bathroom door like his life depended on it.
“Mummy! Kya khila diya kal raat? My stomach is staging a protest!”
“It was just paneer and aloo tikiya,” his mother replied, unbothered, “Now stop overacting and go get haldi done!”
By 8:00 AM, he was on his third bathroom trip.
By 9:30 AM, he had declared war on the samosas and formed a strong emotional bond with Electral.
But no one believed his gastric distress. Because a week ago, he had told his cousin Ritu, “Yaar, I think I’m not ready for this marriage.”
So now, every time Mayank ran to the loo, half the baraat followed.
His Chachaji, Tauji, two cousins, and even the DJ took turns guarding the toilet.
“Where is Mayank?”
“MAYANK KAHAN GAYA?” became the most frequently asked question of the day.
He was last seen sprinting toward the side garden holding his stomach, followed by his younger cousin Rahul carrying Dettol wipes like a soldier with a first-aid kit.
His uncle Devendra stood outside the washroom with walkie-talkie coordination:
“Bathroom clear. Groom inside. Repeat—groom inside. ETA: 7 minutes.”
His aunties were whispering, “Shaadi toh ho jaayegi na?” while eating puris with extra achar.
Bridezilla or Detective?
Meanwhile, the bride, Nandini, sat calmly in the makeup room, sipping coconut water like a Bollywood heroine.
“Why does the groom need five people to escort him to the loo?” she asked.
No one had answers.
So she made a plan: Operation Groom Intercept.
When Mayank emerged from his 5th bathroom trip, pale as a bedsheet and clutching his stomach, she caught him.
“Hi,” she said with a smirk. “Should I marry you or your stomach?”
“I swear, this is not cold feet,” Mayank pleaded. “It’s… very hot inside.”
Nandini burst out laughing.
“Tell me honestly,” she asked, “is it the marriage or the mirchi?”
“Bit of both.”
Enter Hero No One Asked For: Monty Mama
Enter Monty Mama—Mayank’s distant uncle from Lucknow, who thought he was a love guru because he once ran away with a widow from Banaras.
He pulled Mayank aside and said, “Beta, shaadi is like pani puri. Confusing at first, spicy in the middle, and always ends in toilet—but worth it!”
Mayank stared blankly. “Are you trying to calm me or scare me?”
Mama winked and burped.
Cousin Rahul’s Surveillance Strategy
Rahul, the youngest cousin and an avid PUBG player, took it personally to make sure Mayank didn’t run off.
He created a human chain of cousins—one at the bathroom door, one at the back exit, and one near the generator.
“He’s like a criminal on parole,” Nandini commented to her sister, giggling.
Aloo Puri, Baraatis & Bathroom Breaks
While the guests enjoyed DJ remixes of Kala Chashma and London Thumakda, Mayank was having existential questions between the third and fourth phera.
“Can I survive this?”
“Did I carry extra underwear?”
“Why did I eat that second gulab jamun yesterday?”
As the panditji shouted “Agla phera!”, Mayank froze.
“Lo, again!” someone shouted.
His mother handed him pudin hara with the urgency of a bomb defusal team.
Mandap Mein Meltdown
At the saatva phera, Mayank looked at Nandini and said, “I can’t do this.”
Gasps. Aunties dropped their kachoris.
“I mean I can’t do this without using the bathroom one more time.”
“Then go!” Nandini laughed, “But come back this time, Dulhe Raja.”
Final Flush and Full Consent
When he returned, a little lighter (and a lot more confident), Mayank smiled.
“Let’s do this.”
And for the first time all day, he wasn’t sweating.
The pheras were completed, the mangalsutra tied, and the guests erupted in applause.
Tauji whispered, “Chalo, finally potty-wala dulha ban gaya pati.”
One Year Later
Mayank and Nandini now run a YouTube channel called Shaadi Mein Kya-Kya Hota Hai.
Their wedding highlights include:
- “Toilet Trip No. 4: The Near Escape”
- “Groom Guard Task Force: Meet the Heroes”
- “How Pudin Hara Saved a Marriage”
At family functions, someone always yells, “Guard the groom!” and Mayank responds, “I already said yes, yaar!”
Moral of the Story:
Loose motions may test your guts, but love always holds firm. And sometimes, the way to forever starts with finding the nearest loo.
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